Seriously! Being able to convey passive aggression through a text message is something that never fails to impress me! If you do it correctly, you can convey a tasteful degree of sass that is, when used in the right situation, completely necessary.

I myself identify as an accidental passive aggressive texter. Just ask my boyfriend, who suffers the brunt my “…”s, but respects the beauty of my subtle aggression.

As the daughter of a high school English teacher, I am a meticulously grammatically correct typist. I spell out every word, I avoid run-ons or fragments, and I leave no sentence open-ended – which is easily confused for passive aggression.

So if you’re like me, you may be an unintentional passive aggressive texter, which is pretty frustrating when you’re actually trying to be aggressive.

My classic move when intentionally being petty, which I regard as something close to pure, evil genius, is turning on my read receipts in the heat of an argument and typing a “P” into the text bar and leaving it there for a good minute or so before erasing it, so the person on the other end can see me typing and then assume I’ve deleted everything.

You’ll soon learn that when passive aggressively texting, ellipsis are you best friend! Anything is vaguely threatening when that fatal “…” at the end. It’s indefinite, it’s unclear.

I mean, we all know someone who responds with the salty “K” when angry, but I think we can rise above that. We’ve entered a new era of text aggression – one more sophisticated than one-letter responses. Besides, that’s not even passive, it’s just blatantly angsty! It’s the equivalent of a middle-school-mean-girl’s-eyeroll.

I think using the phrase “never mind” speaks for itself. I know my boyfriend always reacts strongly to this one, always saying, “No, stop avoiding the topic and stop being petty, I want to talk about this with you,” which is exactly what I want to hear when I’m serving “nvm”s.

Equally saucy is the classic “whatever,” which every angsty tween in every classic movie marketed as PG has said, ever. It means, “I will be making no effort whatsoever to communicate with you at this time, so good luck figuring out what’s wrong – but something is definitely wrong, so don’t drop this.”

Soul man of the year Drake himself has felt the icy waters of passive aggressive texting: “Passive aggressive when we’re texting, I feel the distance.” He’s nailed what we’re going for! So whichever lady was being chilly to Aubery, she clearly nailed it.

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